Monday, April 25, 2011

The Wheel Turns

Me and the Oldest Friend, Circa 1976
I have never been a girly girl. At the age of 4 I preferred playing with Tonka trucks to dollies. It was just who I was. My mom Iam sure wished for a dainty little thing, but she was a tomboy too, and so was her mother. So it is in the blood.

Being a tomboy it's not always easy to have friends, especially girlfriends. That not wanting to play jacks or dolls gets in the way. It didn't help that I was a nerdy, skinny kid with glasses, who the other girls thought was weird for wanting to play war rather than house.
So I was lucky to meet another outdoorsy/tomboy like myself back in 5th grade. She is my oldest friend.
My oldest friend and I are still in touch, we were instant buddies, and have know each other through everything really. Although there was a time in my 20's I was not as in touch I should have been. We live on opposite sides of the country, but can still have a great conversation when we speak, which is fairly often. We also laugh a lot.
She has been going through a ton of change in the last year or so, as her mother died, and the estate had to be sold. All of it, belongings and home. That was her parents wish. Had I the money I would have bought it. Alas, I am a poor artisan, with nothing but dreams, so that did not happen.
The family home belongs to a school mate of ours now, who I know will take good care of it, and I hope, use the farm for a working farm again.

It is all sad for me, and I know it was a heartache for my Old Friend, but she has moved on, and what else can you do? Life moves on, the wheel turns.
Somehow I still grieve, and I think it is more than just knowing I can never go there again, or missing my friends parents.
I think it is tied into being 45, looking back and knowing that that was the happiest time of your life.
Wishing you could escape the grind of adulthood, to once again be 10, fishing on The Pond, or hunting in the cornfields, the only thing you had to care about was being back to the house in time for dinner.
It is silly I know, but I mourn that loss of youth, and freedom.


Marie said...

I don't know whether this sort of contemplation comes with age, but lately I can recall the same sort of feeling - a desire to go back to some kind of simpler world, free from stress and obligations. It is as though that was a richer, more satisfying life.

It's great that you have these memories to hold on to. They will always be there, even if things have moved on, times changed.

Heidianne said...

Thank you Marie, I really was lucky to have had all the great experiences I had back then. My friend and I both feel lucky. Middle age is a trip that's for sure, and introspection seems to be happening alot for me lately. I think it's part of being this age, or something in the air. Have a great spring over there, I hope it stays warm.