Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Grades

4.0
I sat in my chair gazing intently at the computer for probably an hour or more. Soaking it all in.
4.0 GPA
All A's up there on there on the screen, all A's.
Wow. Not bad for a drop out failure in life.
The last 12 years have been hard. Dan and I fight a lot, and we are always struggling for money and  I am no business woman. Trying to work with my husband has been hard, and fraught with stress. Quarreling doesn't describe the full on scream fests of hate we directed at one another. I found myself dreading the shop, dreading the work. Our marriage has suffered because of it, all the arguing has aged me, crushed my heart, and hurt Dan too. We are still together, still partners, but I wish we could have NOT worked together. Two strong personalities who both have to win at all costs will never pull a plow together effectively..He is a good man, and I am grateful for his new career, because he deserves to be there, being appreciated for his skills and his talents as a historian and archaeologist. For the the first time in 12 years he is happy. I am grateful I can go to school full time, he won't let me take a job, but that will have to change, we need the extra money. He looks forward to work every day, and I thank the gods for his good fortune.

Little old Me? Being in college brings me more satisfaction than any handrail ever did; no amount of praise for my metalwork skills (awesome thought they be) is one ounce as fulfilling as seeing that GPA up on the computer screen: 4.0 I did that!! I did it!!! Me, the drop out, the one who couldn't finish high school, who could never get a good job, who always felt "stupid". ME! I am able to meet deadlines, I am able to study and write essays that earn a perfect score. Whoo hoooooo!!!!
I just want to go and scream it from the highest tower, look at me I did it.
This one is for you Gram, I put my mind to it, and I did it.Just like you said.


4 comments:

jackadreams.info said...

Congratulations! 4.0 is not easy and you definitely should be proud!

Chelle Kruse said...

It is the most amazing feeling isn't it! :)

Congrats my dear friend and keep up the wonderful work!

<3

Rois said...

I knew you could do it! Grand job! I can't wait to see what you grow into.

Anonymous said...

Proud of you too Heidi !